Life With Soul

Michael Beale, an NLP expert, recently interviewed me about my new book, Daytime Dating.

I talk a lot about why I got into Day Game in the first place and also what Daytime Dating covers. Check it out

Jeremy Soul

Flaky Women can be extremely frustrating

When people start to learn about dating science, they understand that everyone gets blown out once in a while, and that even the guys who are amazing with women can’t get every woman to like them. However, one issue that even the best students have trouble getting past is flakes. It is much easier to deal with getting blown out than to not have your call or text returned by a woman that seemed really interested in you the day or night before. The purpose of this article is to help men minimize the odds of a woman flaking on them, and then to properly deal with it when the inevitable flakes do happen.

Why do flakes happen?

Flakes can happen because of a lack of Attraction, Qualification, or Comfort. It’s not just a Comfort issue like most people assume. If a flake happens, think back to the interaction for clues as to what caused it. If a woman called you cute you know Attraction wasn’t the problem, and it’s either Qualification or Comfort. If you never gave her any compliments, then she was probably wondering why you liked you her (i.e. Qualification).

Sometimes a woman will explicitly tell you their hesitancies about you. If a woman ever says anything like “but I hardly know you” in a serious, non-joking manner, then you have a Comfort hurdle to overcome. Share something personal about yourself like your love of travel or foreign films, and try to get related information from her about her life.

If she says something similar to “you probably do this all the time,” she thinks you’re a player, and that you’re not genuinely interested in her. You can get past this by finding something unique about her that piques your interest, and then telling her about it.

If when you try to logistically progress things with a woman to a date, or ask her to come somewhere else with you after she’s first met you, and she turns you down by saying that she’s busy, has something else on, has to get home etc., then she doesn’t have enough Attraction for you (in other words, she didn’t see enough relevant social value in you). A woman telling you that she’s too busy is a polite way of saying “you’re not interesting enough for me to plan to spend some time with you). The exception to this rule is when she genuinely is busy, but does want to see you again, in which case she will typically offer an alternative time when she can see you.

Phone numbers are over-rated

People like to avoid awkward moments, so they are apt to give you their phone number if you ask for it. However, it doesn’t mean they are going to respond to your texts or pick up when you call (however, you would be wise to pick up Braddock’s Phone & Text Game book to massively increase those odds). A lot of phone numbers are given out of social obligation. Personally, I’m less interested in phone numbers than I am in setting up an actual date. I’ll say something like, “I really enjoyed this conversation. How would you like to continue it over a drink sometime?” Then I stop talking and wait for her response. I am looking for an investment from her – a willingness to commit to a rough time and place to meet up with me in the future, ideally within the next few days.

If a woman seems hesitant about committing to a future day/time, I deal with it directly. For example, if a woman says “you can try calling me sometime” I’ll say something like the following: “Look, I like you, I think you’re attractive, but if you’re not into me or you have a boyfriend that’s cool.” This helps me figure out where we stand quickly. If she’s interested in me, she will make it clear. If she isn’t, then I know right away. That way I don’t waste any more time on her, and I can move on to something else with greater promise.

There are some things beyond your control

You will never predict with 100% accuracy who will flake on you and who won’t. This is about getting the percentage of women that flake on you as low as possible. Maybe she has a boyfriend and just wanted to get some attention. Maybe she just had her heart broken. Maybe she lacks confidence in herself. She might even be “ignoring” your texts or calls because she is out of the country and isn’t checking her messages. There are women I spoke to for under a minute that I’ve dated, and other women I thought I developed a deep connection with that flaked on me. It is impossible to completely eliminate flakes, but if you practice the advice given above, you will dramatically reduce the number of women that flake on you.

Jeremy Soul

The Dip in graph form

Hey guys, I’m passing over to Collin B, one of our awesome Project Rockstars from this year, for his thoughts on making it through The Dip in his progress throughout Rockstar.

Great post – a lot of people in the world need to heed these words, especially in those tough times when it seems like you’re not getting to where you want to be.

Jeremy Soul

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Early in Rockstar Soul taught us about a U- shaped mood curve. When you’re learning a new skill, you’re very excited at first. But as you try to implement what you’ve learned, you actually get worse results than before because you’re consciously thinking about the new information so much. At the very bottom of the curve, your mood is very low, you may question if it’s worth it, and many people quit. But once you make it through the bottom of the curve, the turning point where everything “clicks”, you start experiencing better results, the mood starts going up again. And as you move along the curve, you start feeling the excitement again, and having much more fun, which makes the curve skyrocket even higher, and at a faster rate.

This diagram that Soul shared with us has proven to be very true. Not just in game, Chase shared a similar concept when starting a new business, he called it getting through “the dip”. I can see different Rockstars at different points of the curve. Personally I have made it through the bottom of the curve when everything came together, and now when I go out I am having fun again, and my results are improving drastically every single night I go out. It’s a great place to be. What I didn’t understand is that I have been getting better and moving forward since the very beginning, even though at times I felt I was moving backwards because my results were getting worse. Really I was just progressing along the curve like I was supposed to. Now I know that this is normal and just a part of the process. You HAVE to go through the dip in order to make it work.

The problem is a lot of people don’t make it through because as they move along the curve, their mood is dropping and they are having less fun, which makes it more difficult to stay motivated. But we should realize that this drop in mood is a good thing. That means you’re making progress and you’re almost there. That means you just have to stick it out a little bit longer and you’ll make it through the bottom of the dip, everything will click, and you will start the rising portion of the curve, where you’re having a blast and feel invincible and soon your mood and results will shoot up much higher than you ever thought they could be.

In game, and in life in general, everyone seems to always be looking for a shortcut. A “magic bullet” or a pill where they just wake up one day and suddenly they are great with women. But you can’t cheat this curve. I don’t have very fond memories of being in London. I was on the first half of the curve, and it sucked. It was tough, and I was way out of my comfort zone. I was getting no results. I was experiencing painful rejections out in public in the middle of the day. I was getting humiliated at night by getting blown out repeatedly. It didn’t seem like it at the time, but this was all forward progress. I HAD to go through those painful, embarrassing moments to come out the other end a different person. There is no way around this. There is no shortcut, no trick I could have learned to get to the point where I have gotten now. The only way is to man up and go through the painful times and stay with it long enough to make it past the dip. After enough blowouts, I just stopped caring about the outcome. That’s when I started seeing flashes of the rising curve.

The reason I’m posting this is because before Rockstar I never stuck with it long enough to make it through the dip, to the fun part. I tried to make it work, but after a few harsh rejections and some uncomfortable feelings I would quit. It seemed pointless to me – I was having less fun and getting worse results, so why should I keep trying? I expected instant results and fun times. I didn’t know about the U curve.

But now looking back, I can see a few moments where I was ALMOST there, if I had just pushed through a little bit longer I would have made it to the other side. I wish I knew about this back then, because life after the dip is full of excitement and positive feelings. It’s such a liberating feeling to be able to go up and talk to any woman you want, at any time. If anyone reading this can relate, keep moving along – you’re probably almost there!

Collin

Too much cocky funny can be bad for your game

This is a great post along with the one on u-shaped mood curves. I’ve read a ton of pua blogs and I have to say u come across as one of the few that’s extremely genuine and authentic. What stuck out to me with your post is the statement u made on our relationship with our parents and that very rarely can other relationship match that closeness. I was especially drawn to this idea because this is where I’m getting stuck in my pua journey and all my relationships not only with women but with friends and even family. I never had a strong relationship with either parents and in fact it’s practically non existent. To make it short my mother passed away tragically when I was young and father was an introvert who wasn’t much of a fatherly figure and remarried and started a new family. I’m not looking for pity or anything like that but I’ve come to a point where I am stuck and looking for directions. My main issue is just being able to connect with people in a long term basis and it seems as though my childhood experiences have impacted my social ability to do that. I’ve hooked up with a couple girls as a teen and had my first gf at 19 but it was never my choice… Always the women who picked me. When I first started learning pua I had David D’s material and I started to learn alot on building inner game, attraction and comfort but never pushed to physcially escalate. I’m not sure why… Maybe fear or rejection and a part of me always believe I can’t make this women happy in the long term since I’m not even happy with my relationship with my direct family and they’re suppose to be the closest people we have. Now I know I’m not the only person with family issues but I know that’s a huge factor affecting my ability to build long term social circles and intimate relationships. I don’t know if you have suggestion or direction for me but if u do please do share. Sorry for ranting on and on but I’ve been single and desparate for past 3 years now. I currently have a girl at work diggin me and even gave me the option to move in with her but she’s way outta shape and I still have some standards lol. I just need some help before I start losing all my standards and hook up with UGs for the rest of my life. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now next to a woman with no teeth so please help!! I’m 27 and at the point where I’m close to giving up trying and desparately need help with inner game, building a social circle, and just being a man who can live in the present not allowing past experiences to affect my judgment. How did u start when u first started out and how were u able to build such a strong support group along the way?? My experiences is that most men with women issues are usually very private including myself and would never admit to another man they have issues in this area so I’m definitle stepping out of my comfort zone right now. Thanks for reading my comment if u even got this far.

If Harold & Kumar can do it, anyone can

I wrote the title for this article because I’ve noticed there are always lots of Asian guys asking me and other Dating Coaches this question. It’s funny, no matter how many Asian Dating Coaches we have at Love Systems, the South Asian (me – I’m Sri Lankan) or East Asian guys (Mr M, Bonsai) always, always get this question.

In fact, let me share with you another related anecdote that recently irked me. We have a writer who penned a book about last year’s Project Rockstar (2009). One of the publishers he spoke to about it had a “council” of women he regularly bounced all his business endeavours off. When one of these women saw the script about a 5’5″ Asian Dating Expert (Mr M) who had been with playmates, models and beautiful women the world over, she simply would not believe it was possible and said it must be fictitious.

Honey, put Mr M in a bar with you and I give you five minutes before you’re wondering why you’re so attracted to this guy who is probably a foot shorter than you (though if he was wearing his famous height increasing shoes, that difference would be less).

Anyway, this article isn’t about all the journalist and other sceptics out there (I’ll leave that rant for another time). It’s about YOU who doubts yourself and YOU who worries that superficial things such as the colour of your skin will limit your success in life.

Let me tell you what that is: a BULLSHIT mentality. A bullshit excuse. Talking with Micha last night on the train into London (we were on our way to do some Project Rockstar training), he told me how he could tell when people were heavy drug users (Micha has a really interesting background) because they would always be making excuses about their life:

Well, this happened to me and I couldn’t help it.

I was born this way and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

I didn’t choose my proclivities/upbringing/height/colour of my skin.

All those above things may be true: there IS a lot about ourselves that we cannot change. But equally, there is a lot that we can.

In Chip and Dan Heath’s book, Switch, they talk about having a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset. People with a growth mindset are much healthier, happier people because they realise that they can grow to overcome obstacles or perceived disadvantages. People with a fixed mindset believe that they are the way they are and are limited to only a certain amount of happiness by factors beyond their control. Of course, they tend to be less happy that those with growth mindsets.

Which kind of person do you want to be?

Now, let me tell you, when I was younger, I did think my Sri Lankan heritage was a disadvantage with women. I wasn’t too interested in dating Sri Lankan girls; I always liked fair and pale skin. Yet it seemed that the only time a woman was interested in me, it was a South Asian girl.

But then I started working on myself: growing my confidence, putting myself out there, learning how to crack a few jokes and learning how to be charming. And the most important part? I actually started TRYING to meet and date a lot of non-Asian women.

Where am I at now? The lovers I’ve taken in the past few years have been East Asian (yes, I had yellow fever for a while), caucasian, Eastern European, Scandinavian (I moved to Sweden for a while, remember), Jewish, American, Australian and African. I probably haven’t dated a South Asian woman since about five years ago – not that I am against the idea (my brown sisters reading this, I may well approach you next time you are out shopping and I see that curve in the line of your body that I like, smell your sweet scent as it drifts past me, or see the way you command attention as you walk through a crowded café), I just haven’t met one in a while that I liked.

It might be Sun Tzu, or some other philosopher (I’m too hungover to verify the research right now), who talked about turning perceived disadvantages into advantages. Great people are able to do this. Mark V, one of our upcoming instructors who only has one arm, my Sri Lankan brother T, who moves on wheels rather than legs, and anyone who considers themself short/ugly/somehow genetically deficient understand what we all have to do:

Use what nature gave us, and make the most of everything we can.

I now see that my average looks, ethnicity and short stature as advantages. Why? Because that tall Swedish model in the corner of the room doesn’t see me coming (I don’t mean that in the literal sense, for all you comedians out there). She expects confidence and charm from the good-looking, investment banker in his expensive suit (alas for him, he is all too often more lacking than he thinks), but when I approach her and she hears the words come out of my mouth and looks into my eyes, something clicks in her: Who is this guy?

So to you who wrote me the following… verify your sources.

How much of a factor do you think race and ethnicity plays in pickup? Have or do you still face issues that concern your own race when you’re in-field? Do you find it easier to ‘pick-up’ girls of your own ethnic background than for example, caucasian or hispanic women?

I’m asking this now because I recently came across a source, someone who apparently attended a bootcamp of yours back in 2008, who claims you said that you ‘open’ plenty of women, but mainly manage to date girls of your own ethnic background.

I don’t mean this to sound accusatory. I’ll understand if you choose not to reply.

And if you’re looking for more specifics on the race issue, I’ll refer you to Bonsai’s great post about meeting women from different ethnic backgrounds.

Regards,

Jeremy Soul

If your love life is a stats chart, you're missing the point

I meet clients, women and journalists all the time who ask me about my “success rate” with women: how many women have I slept with, how many phone numbers can I get in a daytime dating session, can I seduce any woman I want, and am I in a serious and committed long-term relationship?

I have some fairly comprehensive answers to these questions (and look at my post on Quality Vs. Quality in Love, Sex & Relationships if you’re interested in finding out more), but really, it’s about digging at the root of what the person wants to know.  Are they looking for verification that you’re as good with women as people say you are; are they looking for a comparison point for themself; or are they looking for information to judge your character as a man?

For example, I have been with a lot of women (and I believe it to be crass to get more specific than that), but do I believe that to be an accurate reflection of what it means to be good with women? Hell no. It’s a factor, sure, but just one among many.

In the same way a business is not just numbers and profit, but about margins, revenue, employee turnover, company values, strategic goals and so on, your love life is about so much more than just the stats on the women you’ve bedded.

Don’t get me wrong – certain statistical benchmarks are helpful if you’re setting milestones for specific short-term goals. But really what you are looking for is what some call the Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals (BHAGs), or what “Switch” authors Chip and Dan Heath refer to as Black & White Goals: simple, yet mind-blowingly bigger picture goals.

For example, the one I realised that I have been chasing for years, and now, five years on from when I first started exploring dating science, I feel I have achieved is:

Never Worry about my Love Life Again.

In the same way that a wealthy man understands that money will come and go, that his business will have ups and downs, but that he will always be ok, no matter what, I feel that with the experiences, tools and strategies I’ve learned, I will always be ok in love and sex.

That to me, is a far more worthy achievement than any numerical value of how good with women I am. It’s similar to how Gary Vaynerchuk, one of my favourite business gurus, says that business is not just about making money: it’s about doing what you love, for a living, and going for the Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals, but making sure to enjoy the process. Don’t spend all your time comparing your stats with people around you; ask yourself instead, “Am I happy?”

Don’t get me wrong; I have had some crazy and debaucherous adventures and I don’t regret a single one of them. But there’s been a lot of hard work, frustration, and heartache (both that which I caused, and that which I received) along the way. You don’t get the glory without spilling some guts.

But when I get to the end of my life, I won’t say to myself, “I wish I had been with more women” or “I wish I had impressed other people more.” No. I’ll cherish the memories:

• You, who came to London and left half a year later amid tears and planes and diamond jewellery.
• You, who I called from a stripclub in Las Vegas to apologise for being a douchebag; you, who tolerated me for not being the man you needed but loved me for the man I was.
• You, who I kept at arm’s length, but who moved worlds with me when our bodies collided.
• You, who made one of the greatest international adventures I’ve ever had possible.

So gentlemen, my recommendation? Set your targets, sure. Follow your gurus and verify their credibility and what they’ve achieved. But above all, keep in mind the bigger picture, and live for the memories. They are what will stay with you for life.

Jeremy Soul

Try getting Eye Contact before you Approach

When I began my journey to become better around beautiful women, I didn’t know what to say when approaching women I didn’t know (i.e. doing a “cold approach”). Now that I’ve been at it for over five years, I’m at the point where I’m quite comfortable around beautiful women, and rarely have trouble thinking about what to say.

This “what to say” issue is less of a problem when it comes to warm approaches. A warm approach is when you meet a woman that is part of your social circle. A friend might introduce you, or she may even introduce herself to you. One advantage of warm approaches is that you don’t have to convince her that you’re normal, safe, and not creepy. Being in the same social circle provides an immediate basic comfort level.

There is also less attraction work for you to do, since good status within the social circle already gives you social value. This is opposed to cold approach, where you have to build your social value from scratch.

For years, dating experts have talked about these two kinds of approaches – cold and warm. I think this needs to be expanded. Lately, I have been working on a way to warm up cold approaches to improve my success rate. I’ve dubbed this the “lukewarm approach”.

If a beautiful woman and I are static, or walking past each other slowly, I will engage in eye contact and make it clear that her beauty moves me. I will maintain eye contact a little longer than is typically polite for a stranger to look at another person.

Then I will judge her reaction to see if she is open to an approach. If she looks back and smiles, stares straight back at me, or looks down a little bit and smiles, then I will approach. Basically, I am looking for any sign that she is pleased with me checking her out. A bad sign is when she looks up and away, almost rolling her eyes.

This way I can screen better – if I don’t get a good reaction I’m less likely to approach. Only if she is absolutely gorgeous, or if I’m looking for a challenge will I approach.  When I get a good reaction though, I always approach

Not everyone is single. This way I can filter out women that want to be approached. I waste less time speaking to women with boyfriends.

This technique can be used in all situations, but I particularly like to do this in cafés, since it’s a quiet setting. Next time you’re in a café and spot a beautiful woman, give it a try!

Happy lovin’

Jeremy Soul

I read a book recently called Switch, by Chip and Dan Heath, about “how to change when change is hard.”

The book covers a lot of different areas of life, but it centres around how and why people can change things in their life, whether it’s their dating, love and sex life, their business or work, or other aspects of their lifestyle.

I took a lot of great things from it and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in growing any facet of their life.

One of my biggest takeaways from it, however, was something they wrote about called a “U-shaped mood curve.” I liked this concept so much that I actually started teaching it on my Daytime Dating workshops.

The premise of it is that any endeavour in life will typically take you on a mood curve that is U-shaped. At the start of that endeavour, you will feed good; that period is OPTIMISM.

In the middle, as you get deeper into whatever it is you’re doing, you realise that it’s a lot harder than you thought it would be. There are all these unforeseen things that come up and factors you didn’t factor in for. That period is tough. You start to feel shitty because you’re not making all the rapid progress your optimism stage led you to expect. You question yourself. You wonder if you made the right decision to start this. You wonder if you can make it through.

But then you rally. You gather up every ounce of your resources; you pull your shit together and you tell your inner doubts (or what my colleague and friend Daniel Vercetti calls his “inner demons”) to go back to the hole they came from. You get through the dip and you make it through. This period, the bottom of the dip, is called INSIGHT.

Once you get through the dip and get to the end of your endeavour, your goals reached for that project, you reach the final period: CONFIDENCE. At this stage, you know you made it through, and you know you can do it again if needs be. That’s what ultimate confidence is about.

Incidentally, that’s one of the reasons why I can’t stand it when people advise men to “just be confident” with women: it takes a lot of experience to gain that confidence in the first place (and if you don’t even have guidance or the right advice on how to start a conversation, how can you begin to even think about being confident in the rest of your interaction with her).

But back to the topic at hand. That dip, the insight period, is critical because it is where all your real learning takes place. I often say to my clients on workshops, “Relish your failures and the situations with women where you mess things up or things go wrong; it’s in these that you get all your learnings. It’s these situations that enable you to have great successes later on.”

So, whether you’re trying to become the world’s most awesome daytime dater (and hey, I hear that Jeremy Soul guy is pretty damn good, so you’ve got quite a challenge on your hands!), building your career or business, or trying to get through some other tough time in your life, remember that it’s in the middle of it, in the dip, where your mettle is tested.

Be prepared to fight your demons and hopefully, emerge victorious.

Jeremy Soul

This is what my workload currently looks like

I’m changing the way I blog and keep people updated via my Jeremy Soul facebook account (and at some point in the next few months, I’ll probably get into twitter properly too). I’ve become a big fan of Gary Vaynerchuk, who advocates being really passionate about your business and what you do, and expressing that fully and openly to people.

He makes a lot of good points (and I even pitched to him to be a business mentor for Project Rockstar – no dice this year, but as always, who knows what the future brings). One thing I’ve think I’ve gotten partially from him, but also kinda realised myself, is that good dating and good relationships – whether they’re with family, friends, lovers, partners, colleagues or even all you guys as readers, fans, followers and clients – require honest communication.

Writing this blog, articles, doing podcasts, interviews etc. is partly about marketing. I am trying to spread the message about what I can do and hopefully change the course of my life as well as anyone else who’s willing to listen and “join the conversation”.

But that doesn’t mean all that marketing can’t be honest and show a truly real side of me. I feel the same about seduction and dating as I do about marketing: honesty and integrity pays out in the long run. I’ve met many, many successful people in all fields of life, from dating experts to businessmen to celebrities, in the last few years. From my experiences, I’ve learned two things:

1. Having integrity can benefit your life hugely in the long run.

2. Running my business or my dating life without integrity, even if it were to bring me “success”, would not make me happy. I would hate the process.

Screwing other people over, lying, cheating and manipulating others to get a few short-term results? No, thank you.

I feel very strongly about this issue. Years ago, I felt so strongly about this that I went against the grain of almost the entire seduction industry (and in particular, a few popular seduction gurus of that time) by asserting that being direct and honest when you went to talk to women could work; in fact, that it could be better, and even more powerful than the artificial lines, pretexts and ploys that many men have historically used to meet women.

People challenged me and no one believed in the power of being direct or in the power of daytime dating. Now, I get recognised in clubs and streets all over the world by Jeremy Soul followers who cottoned on to what I was doing (and I am still a sucker for attention and praise – so do feel free to introduce yourself if you see me somewhere!) and the current in the seduction industry (and particularly within Love Systems) has shifted towards being more direct and honest. Now people believe what I believed and acted on five years ago: being a gentleman is one of the most powerful ways to enrich your love life.

If it’s true with love and sex, I believe it to be true with business as well. If you treat people well, you build potentially synergistic relationships that will continue to offer value to you in the future. If you treat people badly (or if you “act like a d*ck”), then you may get a short-term gain, but you screw yourself over in the long run.

I don’t want to get all sciencey on everyone (maybe not all of my readers are as into biology and psychology as much as I am), but this is basically the evolutionary basis for altruism (which is a fancy word for “being nice to other people”). Anyone wanting to find out more about this, check out the research done on the Prisoner’s Dilemma (wikipedia it!).

Without going into tons of detail right now (and perhaps I will in a later blog post – when it’s not 1am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning), this year so far for me has been a huge series of sucker punches and curveballs. A lot of stuff I didn’t expect to happen, happened, not least of which being my father’s health taking a sudden turn for the worse.

When that happened, and I finally found time to process the learnings over my last 3-month world tour (Europe, USA and Australia) running Daytime Dating workshops, the power of relationships and the importance of family dawned on me. The relationships we have with our parents are literally the first relationships we ever develop. Beyond a genetic link and genetic self-interest, there’s also a shared history we have with them that is very difficult for any other relationship to match.

Which brings me to another point: at the end of the day, isn’t it all about creating that history? About building memories and experiences? And ultimately, don’t those memories and experiences almost always involve other people in some way?

Look, don’t get me wrong. Money is important, status is cool, adrenaline is fun, but ultimately, whatever you’re doing, you need other people to help you do it, and whatever you end up enjoying, you want to enjoy it with other people.

I found some great notes on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People recently that said this:

We all start out life as babies completely dependent on our parents or other person to take care of us. This is a state of weakness and powerlessness.

As we grow up we work to become independent, moving out of our parent’s home, earning money for ourselves, etc. A person at this level is able to do things for himself and does not need anyone else to survive.

The greatest human achievements come from people working at the third level, interdependence. This is when people work together to achieve a common goal, and is the level of maturity of many people in a mature society or organization. This is how mankind has achieved things together that no single person could do alone. Interdependence is the state of human development of greatest maturity and power.

That had a huge impact on me. When I read that, it tallied with everything I’d learned myself in the last world tour and everything I was discovering with my family.

And this all brings me to my final point: life is too short and good relationships are too scarce to make hiding your feelings a worthwhile endeavour. Whether it’s that girl in the coffee shop (and if you’re reading this, you know who you are), that wonderful girlfriend you have back home who hasn’t seen you in months (you know how much I miss you), your best friends, your family, your son, your brother or whatever, let them know you appreciate them.

Whether it’s with a compliment that takes them by surprise, an act of kindness, support when they need it, or even just a mind-blowingly good orgasm (certainly one of my preferred ways to thank the wonderful women in my life), let them know. One day your life may take an unexpected turn and you will be glad you did.

Oh, and one last thing: realise that with the good will come the bad. Bad relationships will always happen – bad friends, bad lovers, bad colleagues and even bad family members. There will be naysayers, criticisers and those who move against you.

In the last few years, I’ve been called all kinds of things and judged by all kinds of people for who I am and what I do (one day I might post the hilarious religious hate mail I got). If you’re going to make ripples in the world, expect to irk a few people. If you do that, you know you’re making an impact and doing something right.

Learn from all of it, protect your downside, and filter all your relationships with all that you learn so you get more of the good and less of the bad.

Regards,

Jeremy Soul