Comments on: Quality Vs. Quantity in Love, Sex & Relationships

By: Soul

Soul — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:48:20 +0000

Absolutely. And that brings up the old "it's lonely at the top" issue, which necessitates social circle and lifestyle building work in order to ensure that you continue to find and maintain relationships with high quality people. If you're evolving, it's not just yourself you need to worry about: it's your environment and the people around you as well... which is why I wrote this post on hanging out with people who won't help you.

By: Hammer

Hammer — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:06:31 +0000

This brings up an interesting discussion that has come up on my blog by way of Entropy’s, which has to do with the element of isolation that comes with getting better. As you get better, and your standards go up, which you talk about here, it becomes a lot harder to find someone who meets those standards, and you become far quicker to dismiss someone because, after all, there are millions of fish in the sea. In light of this post, I’d be interested in your thoughts on this subject.

By: What do You Really Want from Your Love Life?

What do You Really Want from Your Love Life? — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 07:11:25 +0000

[...] have some fairly comprehensive answers to these questions (and look at my post on Quality Vs. Quality in Love, Sex & Relationships if you’re interested in finding out more), but really, it’s about digging at the root of what [...]

By: Paladin

Paladin — Tue, 05 May 2009 22:39:43 +0000

Dude you are so right about quality. This is exactly what I have been thinking about lately. I bet you are LOVING your new city bro. I miss you, but glad you are realizing your dreams. Mad respekt and thanks for all the mentoring etc. You are my hero.

By: Soul

Soul — Mon, 04 May 2009 14:03:48 +0000

If you’re not getting dates, then you have problems with at least one and probably more stages of the Emotional Progression Model.

Are you on the Love Systems Lounge? That’s a good starting point to get expert feedback from me and other instructors on how to break through your barriers. Let me know what your posting name is if you are on it.

As a starting point, I’d ask how many approaches a week are you doing, where are you meeting these women, and what are yo doing and saying for the first 5 minutes of conversation? Let’s take this to the Lounge if you are on it…

By: Soul

Soul — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:57:56 +0000

Thanks for your kind words man Glad you are making good progress.

By: Soul

Soul — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:56:25 +0000

I think it’s about balance. You need to set your standards and know what you want from life and indeed from a woman, but at the same time be willing to “roll with the punches”, be flexible and consider things that you didn’t expect but perhaps could be good for you. In other words, know what you want, but remind open-minded.

Some of this is about time management as well. For example, I tend not to meet women that I like to see again and again in nightclubs, so I’m not going to spend lots of time going to those venues to meet women. However, I am not going to rule out the possibility, should I happen to be a nightclub and start talking to a woman who appears beautiful, intelligent and open-minded.

You are right in that both partners must work to help satisfy each other’s needs. But both partners need to know the threshold of what they can accept and what they cannot. I know what my threshold is and I hold people to it: it’s not so much that someone has to has everything I want for me to be with them, but rather there are baseline criteria I look for. This is true of both my lovers and my friends. If I discover someone doesn’t have the baseline integrity that I look for, I stop spending time with them.

I spend a lot of time working towards “ideals” in my life as well. That doesn’t mean to say that anything less than an ideal is bad: it all contributes to the enjoyment and achievement you can have in life. If I spend my life chasing my ideals, it will not be a life wasted. It’s the journey and not the destination that makes us happy.

By: Tyler

Tyler — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:00:07 +0000

Great post Soul. Makes lots of sense, some excellent points. But you say you have ‘20 minutes’ worth of what you want in a woman; isn’t that pre-screening too much? There’s not one ideally 100% perfect woman on this world. Relationships are based upon both partners working together to work together to fulfill both of their needs, if you have so much criteria and requirements that must be met (“om how she looks, speaks and moves to what she’s achieved in her life and what she wants to achieve in the rest of it”), how is she going to learn to work with you?
Just curious. Great post.

By: South_African_Dude

South_African_Dude — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 10:29:31 +0000

Yet another quality post!
I’m going to be 24 next month. I’ve gone on dates with many woman but have thus far only ever had two girlfriends. They were both physically attractive but thats all they ever were to me! I only ever wanted tro spend time with them because they gave me ‘action’. They didn’t inspire me in any way. The conversations we had were mostly boring and situationally related. Both time a distant spark was lacking!

Because of the shocking luck I’ve had with girls in my life both times I stuck with these girls way longer than I ever should, just becuase I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get another girlfriend!

At this stage in my life I have a rough idea of the kind of girls I want to be with. Its not a finished product but I’m working on it!

I’ve made a firm decision to go from AFC to PUA. I’m just over a month into sarging and my AA is starting to fade! I’ve made progress, but I know I have a long winding road ahead of me!

Soul as far as I’m concerned – you’re a legend and one of my favourite PUA’s!

Respect……

By: Rhom

Rhom — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:16:33 +0000

Hi,

You state the you have to date alot of women, so do tell me this, what if you have been at this doing approaches for the last couple of years, have been thru a MM bootcamp, have read Magic Bullets, the Routines Manual, have most of the interviews (including the one you mention on tests) and still cannot get any dates with attractive women? What does one do then? I am not improving. Yes I know what to do but I do not get numbers, emails or dates. If you need to date alot of women but one does not get any dates, how can you find the kind of woman you truly want? That is the shoes I am in now….