Life With Soul

Travelling will net you a lot of experience with women

Hey guys,

I’m in Sydney with MarkW right now, probably one of the most awesome interns Love Systems has ever had, which Mr M can attest to heavily.

We were talking recently about his travelling experiences and we shared the view that travelling has a massive positive on your Game. So I asked him to write some of his thoughts about it for my blog. Here’s part 1, which focuses on his first bout of travelling a few years ago and how it taught him some incredibly useful social skills and got him out of his comfort zone.

Soul

Part 1 of 2 – by MarkW

Soul asked me to write a post for his blog on travelling with reference to game. It is something we have both done in the past and something I believe everyone should do at one point in their lives. If this encourages just one person to go travelling then I will be a happy man. Before I get started, when I talk about travelling I am referring to something different from a two-week holiday. Travelling tends to be for a longer period of time, without firm plans or hotels booked and is more off the beaten path than your typical two weeks in the Costa del Sol.

Pre-Game

I was 18 years old and was sitting on a plane to go snowboarding the USA with my family. The Last Samurai was playing and by the end of it I said to myself: “That was cool, I really want to go to Japan now”. So I did, I decided right there and then that this is what I was going to do during the summer. A month later, I told a friend who had just come back from South East Asia for his gap year and he said I should go to Thailand for a month or so. In the end I decided to go to both (since I was in the neighbourhood…sort of).

I can remember clearly arriving in Bangkok late at night and sitting in the taxi racing along the highway wondering what the fuck I was doing here. I certainly wasn’t the most outgoing person in the world and had been somewhat shy and cautious for most of my life – not to mention an 18 yr old virgin (not a big deal, but I really felt it at the time as almost all of my friends weren’t). Having booked a hotel for the first two nights, I really needed the sleep after two long flights.

Two days later, I awoke and got a taxi to the infamous Khao San Road in Bangkok which is a backpacker/traveller mecca. I went to find somewhere to stay, but really was careful as I’d read some bad stories about getting ripped off. As I was asking to see the room one hostel was trying to sell to me, an English guy came up and started telling me they were quite nice for the price and before I knew it I was having a conversation with a stranger. Reality check! This seems totally normal to me now, but at the time I distinctly remember it being a big deal.

I ended up seeing this guy later on and he introduced me to some Swedish guys who were going home in a few days. They gave me great advice about where to go, what to do – far better than any guidebook. I spent a couple of days hanging out with them and the day before I was about to go visit a different city, we have quite a big night out. That night, I get introduced to an English girl who is travelling by herself whom I end up having some drunken sex with. I had been approached at home by a number of girls in clubs at home but was always too nervous and concerned about what my friends would think, if I tried anything. This was such a stupid belief to have at the time, but going travelling had allowed me to be free of this. At home, if I had met the same girl this wouldn’t have happened. A lot of guys that start getting into Game find themselves constrained by their old friends and family who still view them in a different regard. While this feels very real, it really is all in your head. In my situation it stemmed from a feeling that I had to fit in and not upset the balance of things.

I spent the next 6 weeks travelling around Thailand, Laos and Japan. Excluding flights, this cost me £1300 (the exchange rate was slightly better in 2004). This is about what 10 days in Ibiza cost me. For the same price as a two week holiday to the Mediterranean, you can have a two month holiday to South East Asia. Everything is cheap, a hotel room with Air Con and TV can be had for under £10 per night. I actually paid US$1 for a night in an Air conditioned room in Lao. There are a lot more things to do and see. Historic temple ruins, war memorials and massive palaces are all over the place. Fun stuff like shooting ranges, bungee jumping and scuba diving are also all over the place. A night out can cost £3 if you buy local whiskey. And you don’t have to wear shoes to get in! Everything is so cheap that your money goes a lot further.

I didn’t know about game at the time but looking back, I can see how it affected me. Firstly, my core confidence went through the roof. My attitude to life shifted from one of worry, to one of bring it on. I survived this, so I can survive most things. There were plenty of times when I was by myself and becoming comfortable with this was a key thing I gained. I didn’t feel I needed to rely on my close group of friends to have fun and to live my life. In this regard, I became far more independent.  I was also a lot more keen to take risks. Missing my flight back from Tokyo and being stranded there for 3 days made me see that it’s not all that bad when things don’t work out. In fact, there can be hidden gems of opportunity that you find when you least expect it.

When I came home and met my mum at the train station, she had lots of questions naturally. One thing I specifically remember telling her is that travelling had restored my faith in humanity. I realised that there are a lot of good people out there, not everyone is out to get you and when you’re in trouble most people will bend over backwards to help you. I also came back a lot wiser, both in terms of myself and with regards to different cultures. This is something I have mentioned at nearly every job interview I have been to. It also gives me some great stories to talk about, with friends and now when I talk to girls.

It is safe to say that my comfort zone was thoroughly stretched during this trip. When I first read The Game, I remember specifically the first bit about approaching. To me this was a obstacle for sure, but one that I knew could be overcome. The primary reason for this is I had done it before, to an extent, when I was travelling. Without realising it, I had actually cold approached some really cute girls with genuine situational opinion openers. One actually lead to me having lunch with a really hot Norwegian girl. At the time I didn’t know what I was doing, and was so intimidated by her beauty that I did my best to disqualify myself and hide my intent. The strange thing is, when you are travelling this isn’t unusual….both opening and there being lots of hot Norwegian girls. It made me realise that opening isn’t abnormal or unnatural at all, it’s all the big city bullshit that clouds people’s social realities to the point that it is wrong to talk to strangers. It is perfectly socially acceptable to do this, everyone seems to be so scared of doing it themselves though.

Fast forward five years and I have been travelling every year to a different part of the world. I’m currently away from the UK once again on another epic trip. But this time I know Game. The next part will show how strong a catalyst that travelling can be for your game!

MarkW