I read a book recently called Switch, by Chip and Dan Heath, about “how to change when change is hard.”

The book covers a lot of different areas of life, but it centres around how and why people can change things in their life, whether it’s their dating, love and sex life, their business or work, or other aspects of their lifestyle.

I took a lot of great things from it and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in growing any facet of their life.

One of my biggest takeaways from it, however, was something they wrote about called a “U-shaped mood curve.” I liked this concept so much that I actually started teaching it on my Daytime Dating workshops.

The premise of it is that any endeavour in life will typically take you on a mood curve that is U-shaped. At the start of that endeavour, you will feed good; that period is OPTIMISM.

In the middle, as you get deeper into whatever it is you’re doing, you realise that it’s a lot harder than you thought it would be. There are all these unforeseen things that come up and factors you didn’t factor in for. That period is tough. You start to feel shitty because you’re not making all the rapid progress your optimism stage led you to expect. You question yourself. You wonder if you made the right decision to start this. You wonder if you can make it through.

But then you rally. You gather up every ounce of your resources; you pull your shit together and you tell your inner doubts (or what my colleague and friend Daniel Vercetti calls his “inner demons”) to go back to the hole they came from. You get through the dip and you make it through. This period, the bottom of the dip, is called INSIGHT.

Once you get through the dip and get to the end of your endeavour, your goals reached for that project, you reach the final period: CONFIDENCE. At this stage, you know you made it through, and you know you can do it again if needs be. That’s what ultimate confidence is about.

Incidentally, that’s one of the reasons why I can’t stand it when people advise men to “just be confident” with women: it takes a lot of experience to gain that confidence in the first place (and if you don’t even have guidance or the right advice on how to start a conversation, how can you begin to even think about being confident in the rest of your interaction with her).

But back to the topic at hand. That dip, the insight period, is critical because it is where all your real learning takes place. I often say to my clients on workshops, “Relish your failures and the situations with women where you mess things up or things go wrong; it’s in these that you get all your learnings. It’s these situations that enable you to have great successes later on.”

So, whether you’re trying to become the world’s most awesome daytime dater (and hey, I hear that Jeremy Soul guy is pretty damn good, so you’ve got quite a challenge on your hands!), building your career or business, or trying to get through some other tough time in your life, remember that it’s in the middle of it, in the dip, where your mettle is tested.

Be prepared to fight your demons and hopefully, emerge victorious.

Jeremy Soul

Get a Navy Seal team for Meeting Women

My good buddy LA2NY, one of the Love Systems guys in LA who’s likely to become an official Love Systems coach this year, wrote this excellent article that explains more about how to get into a good state (or flow) when you’re out to meet women.

The Dichotomy of State Control

I had some comments to make, so I’ve copied those below (normally these Lounge articles are only for our Bootcamp and Day Game Workshop alumni, but I’ve made an exception here because I really wanted to share this information with everyone).

—

Great post man. You covered a lot of good points, but there’s two that I’ll add.

1. Tweak your environment

In their book Switch, Chip and Dan Heath talk about tweaking one’s environment (what they call “Shaping the Path” to enable you to act logically and emotionally the way you want to as easily as possible.

Environmental factors contribute hugely to our internal chemistry (brain and body) and also in part determine the reactions we get from other people (which further feed back into our internal chemistry).

One huge reason I moved to Stockholm is that there simply weren’t enough beautiful women in London. It meant that whenever I met a 10, it was “unusual” for me because I didn’t see them often; as such, it altered my internal chemistry in a way I didn’t like. Moving to Stockholm corrected that problem, because I was constantly surrounded by beautiful women (and 10s were a lot more common) so it stopped affected my internal chemistry as much.

(FYI cool article on beautiful women affecting body chemistry here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news…cientists.html)

It’s also another reason I do so much Daytime Dating. My body chemistry and state tend to be a lot more balanced in a way I can leverage for seduction in quieter environments.

The point I’m making is that tweaking your environment is a huge way to achieve better state control.

2. Build a Navy Seal team

Over the years, as I’ve gone out more and more, I’ve discovered that going out is not all about women for me. It’s about having a good time, generally. Although yes, women factor into that, another factor is the friends and company I keep around me.

If you’ve ever seen a group of Love Systems Coaches who know each other really well and have a history together hanging out at a party or a bar together, you know what I’m talking about.

There’s a synergy there that achieves greater cumulative effect than if we were each to go out by ourselves and try to pull. Part of that is specific techniques and strategies that work better as a Navy Seal team than a lone wolf, but part of that is also the way it affects our internal body chemistry (our state).

I even get this in Daytime Dating. The last few weeks when I was in Sydney, just working from Starbucks on my laptop with Whim and Calabrese would incite me to do daytime approaches on women walking in and out of the café; by myself, I would still sometimes do it, but only if the woman was truly smoking hot and I could be bothered to get up out of my seat and put in the energy to actually be social.

So the lesson: surround yourself with good people you love.

I found the following in a study guide for 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

“The habits are designed, when you put them in practice, to help you mature as a person. This process of maturing is described below:

Dependence >> Independence >> Interdependence

We all start out life as babies completely dependent on our parents or other person to take care of us. This is a state of weakness and powerlessness.

As we grow up we work to become independent, moving out of our parent’s home, earning money for ourselves, etc. A person at this level is able to do things for himself and does not need anyone else to survive.

The greatest human achievements come from people working at the third level, interdependence. This is when people work together to achieve a common goal, and is the level of maturity of many people in a mature society or organization. This is how mankind has achieved things together that no single person could do alone.

Interdependence is the state of human development of greatest maturity and power.
As we develop our character as people, we grow in each of the seven areas described by the seven habits. In this process we move up the chart from dependence to independence to interdependence.”

Jeremy Soul

A while ago Mark W blogged about his travelling experiences and promised a Part 2. Here it is…

Jeremy Soul.

How Travelling Helps You with Girls

Back in August, Soul and I were discussing travelling and how it helps your game. I have been fortunate enough to do quite a bit of travelling while I was at University, but this was before I knew about game. In 2009, my game has exploded – thanks mainly to hanging out with Mr M, Braddock, Daxx and of course Soul. Earlier this year I quit my well paying office job in the UK and bought a one-way ticket to Asia, without too much of a plan. Since then I’ve learned more about game, and people in general, than I could ever have imagined. My goal in this article is to share some of my experiences and encourage you to get out there and see the world for yourself.

What is travelling actually like?

Like I said in my previous article, when I’m talking about travelling, I am referring to extended trips usually with a backpack and very small budget. This isn’t about gaming girls on vacation at Spring Break or anything like that. This year, my stomping grounds have mostly been around South East Asia – Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia and Singapore. These countries are great to travel around, even with a limited budget. Transport is easy and, for the most part, everything is very safe.

You stay in hostels or guesthouses (budget hotels), usually for less than $10 per night. This is not 5 star, in fact it usually isn’t any stars! Some hostels have kitchens where you can cook your own food. Depending on which part of the world you are in, it may be cheaper just to eat at restaurants all the time. In Asia this is certainly the case! A local meal can cost 50cents and a burger with fries is usually $2 or more. Generally speaking beer is very cheap, and often very strong, so pace yourself!

You can spend the daytime doing any number of activities from scuba diving to bungee jumping. There are hundreds of amazing tourist sites that you can check out as well. I have been fortunate enough to visit some truly amazing places, however travelling is so much more than this. I remember going to see the Great Wall of China, which was great. However, I went out that night in Beijing with some really cool people and had a blast. For me, the night out was better than the Wall. It is this social aspect of travelling that really can propel your game to the next level.

Why it helps your game

At home, most of us have jobs and other commitments that keep us busy. Even if your workplace is a very sociable environment, it can’t compare to travelling. Being in social situations almost 24/7 really changes how your behaviours and more importantly, your confidence. I used to like having a few hours at home just to chill, but recently I’ve noticed that I now avoid doing this as much as possible in favour of hanging out with friends. It also means that I’m constantly in that social mood and I no longer have to “turn it on” when I go into a bar.

For some people, this may be quite far outside of your comfort zone. A popular personality categorization tool called Myers Briggs, attempts to categorize people as having introverted preferences or extroverted preferences. What you don’t often get told is that these preferences are mostly learned behaviours. I can assure you that given enough time, even the quietest individuals can become a socialite. Travel will constantly put you in this position, as there are always hundreds of people all around you looking to make friends with practically anyone.

This also means that there are hundreds of girls looking to hook up, which is never a bad thing! During the day, it’s not as charged as a Spring Break or Ibiza atmosphere, but the girls you meet are normally a lot more fun and interesting to hang out with. When you go out at night, particularly in the large cities, you will of course have a fantastic bar/club scene just like at home. Where travelling stands out, is that you get to hang out with all of these girls during the daytime too. This makes hooking up at night much easier and allows you to build massive social proof before you even get to a bar. All this time you are having fun, doing cool activities and seeing amazing sights.

Don’t think that you need to be a Day Game master to pull this off either. While travelling, approaching girls during the day is very common for anyone, not just guys with game. There is a sort of “foreign people band together” type attitude. Imagine being in a city with 25 million people who don’t speak English. It’s very common to go and talk to other travellers, and it is also common for them to approach you. This doesn’t mean you should stop doing direct day game approaches or anything like that, it simply means that each day you will likely meet several cool people without doing anything.

Another great thing about travelling is that logistics are usually very good. People tend to gravitate towards the same hostels or the same general area. This makes it much easier than in London or New York, where everyone likes an hour away from the club. Also, taxis are very cheap – picture around $5 for a 30 minute cab ride. And if all else fails, there is always the beach!

Why you should do it

Aside from having a great time, travelling unquestionably helps you to improve your game. This is true both in reference experiences plus having the chance to see plenty of naturals in action. It also gets guys away from talking pickup with their “wings” all night.

Travel is a great thing to put on your CV or for College/University applications. It demonstrates to employers that you are a worldly person that understands different cultures. If also provides numerous experiences to recall in answering many interview questions – I got a job offer once that was 90% based on my story about being stranded in Tokyo with no money.

It provides a great number of true experiences that you can recall in future when picking up girls. If you like story telling then one trip will provide a goldmine of content. Some of my worst experiences have turned out to be my best stories so don’t fret if things don’t always go to plan.

3 things you can do to dramatically improve success

1. Stay where the crowds stay, and nowhere else. Pick up a Lonely Planet guidebook and look for a hostel/guesthouse in the budget section that specifically mentions a friendly atmosphere, social lounge/tv area, group trips or a happy hour bar scene. These places attract a larger number of people. My friend and I found a great guesthouse for about $14 a night (in total) that had air con, TV and a pool. But there was nobody else staying there. The next place we stayed in was the same price but had considerably less amenities. However they had 20cents beers at happy hour and there were always dozens of people hanging out, even at 4am in the morning. Don’t worry about staying in rubbish accommodation as you will be spending most of the day outside anyway.

 

2. Talk to everyone, even those you wouldn’t normally speak to. Guys, girls, it doesn’t matter. You have to be as sociable as possible to everyone. You never know who is going to introduce you to their hot female friend or who you will bump into in the next country you visit. This is partially about building social proof, but equally about making connections. The quiet guy that wasn’t talking to anyone could show you a great bar you didn’t know existed. The ugly girl in the swimming pool could introduce you to the girl of your dreams. The married couple could introduce you to an important future business contact. The point is, don’t assign value to someone without talking to them for a reasonable amount of time. You are in a different environment and pigeon holing people based on past experiences won’t work out so well – you will be a much poor judge of value when interacting with foreign cultures.

 

3. Sexualize and state your intent. The downside to meeting loads of girls during the day is that you often find yourself heading towards the friend zone. The opposite is that you are that weird guy who hits on every girl in the hostel before lunch. Night time is by far the best time to crank up the heat on this, but you have to ensure that you keep this option open during the day. You have to calibrate this, but DO generate attraction during the day. Take small steps forward and keep taking steps forward. You will find yourself having conversations about where you are from/what you do etc which many instructors tell you to avoid when in a bar. It is fine to do this during the day, so long as you are aware that you must build attraction. Think of it as a leaking tap slowly filling up the attraction cup. It’s not a highly noticeable like some flash club game, but both you and the girl are aware on some level that its going on.

What are you waiting for?

It’s easy to find an excuse not to go travelling, but you should really think through your options before writing it off. If you are a student, then summer time is the perfect time to go travelling. Better still, you can take a gap year before or after college. Round the world tickets (which let you stop in any country you want to) are very affordable now too. Long haul airline flights are generally very cheap if you book far enough in advance.

For those of you with jobs, many corporations allow you to take up to a year out of work and come back to your job upon returning. You must usually have severed with a company for 2 or 3 years before this is allowed. Your career is effectively on freeze for a year, meaning you don’t get paid but also can’t get laid-off. You may find yourself in a much better position when you return with newly found confidence having had one of the best experiences of your life.

In closing, get out there and do it! The only person you need permission from is yourself. I promise you, any travel experience will change your life.

Mark W.

Word from Bonsai on Stripper Game. I’ll hand over…

Jeremy Soul.

How to Pick Up a Stripper

What a lot of people don’t know about stripper game is that there is actually a structure you can use. In the Strippers & Hired Guns seminar we teach the Polarity Model that Braddock and The Don came up with.

Below you can download a mind-map diagram that gives you a structure of stripper game. It is how I pickup strippers and it is almost exactly following the Love Systems Triad Model but applied to stripper game. So it has elements of the Polarity Model and the Triad Model.

Me being Asian, I love models. It gives you structure and phases you can learn piece by piece. It makes learning something new much easier and it is a lot easier to diagnose where you make mistakes. Hopefully this diagram helps a lot.

Feel free to distribute this, post it on your blog, emailing it your friends, whatever.

Bonsai

Christmas parties are incredible for meeting women. Try to go to as many as possible, simply because they are so much fun. People seem to be high on happiness and joy and full of festive excitement. Single women often get into the mood and feel like having a bit of romance under the mistletoe, so it’s a great excuse to get flirty with people and have fun!

Here are my top 10 tips for pulling at Christmas Parties:

1. Get involved as much as possible

The more you’re an integral part of the event, the more you’ll get a chance to meet and be seen talking to a lot of people, which elevates your social status at the party and makes you someone women would want to talk to.

2. Don’t leer at all the single ladies

Most single guys are on the prowl and checking out the possible “options” as soon as they walk in. Don’t be most guys – that’s a surefire way to ruin your pulling chances.

3. Don’t get drunk

Most men feel the need to have a few drinks before they start talking to women – especially ones they find really attractive. One or two drinks aren’t too bad, but once that snowballs into being drunk by the end of the night, it’s a real turn-off for women.

4. Introduce yourself to everyone early on

At parties, you have an automatic excuse to talk to people. It’s not like being at a random bar or nightclub where it requires some kind of creative or ballsy opening line to go talk to a stranger.

All you need to say is, “Hi, I’m Jeremy,” shake their hand and ask them what they’re up to over Christmas. You want to do this early on in the evening, you have a ton of people you’ve already talked with and can re-initiate contact with.

5. Introduce groups of friends to each other

As things progress throughout the night, introduce groups of people you know to each other. Being seen as a social connector and someone who knows everyone at the party will build huge amounts of attraction with the women there.

Introducing your friends to the friends of a woman you like can also be useful because it can allow you to have a more private conversation with her while your friends engage her friends.

6. Re-initiate contact with the women you like

Keep being the social guy, talking to lots of different people, but at some point re-engage the woman you find the most attractive. At this point, you’ve already talked with her, it’s natural to re-initiate conversation by asking her something simple like, “how are you enjoying the party?”

7. Connect with her emotionally

Get more personal with her, find out who she is and what makes her tick, and let her know more about yourself. The key to attraction with women is showing yourself to be an interesting person (by talking about things that are important to you and you are passionate about) and to be interested in who she is as a person.

8. Take her somewhere more private

A woman might become attracted to you when she has a good conversation with you, but she’s unlikely to act on that by kissing you or otherwise blatantly flirting with you in front of her friends and family.

So come up with an excuse to move her somewhere away from other people. It can as simple as, “Do you fancy going out for some air?” or “Hey, want to grab a drink at the bar?” Anything that gets you some more alone time with her.

9. Suggest staying in touch

You may want to spend more time with the woman you’ve been talking to immediately, maybe even try to take her home that night.

However, this won’t always be possible depending on who she came with, whether she has to get up early the next morning, which friends she is there with etc. There’s also the chance that for whatever reason, you’ll lose her at some point in the crowd.

So it’s a good idea after talking with her for a while to suggest exchanging contact details and staying in touch. That way, if she does disappear at some point, at least you have a phone number to follow up on.

10. Manage logistics

If you are going for the full pull that evening, you need to focus on getting her away from people that might judge her for going home with you. Discretion is paramount. Don’t make any obvious moves on her physically when anyone else is around.

Either find a secluded room somewhere, or ask her if she wants to come back to your place. If you go for the latter, make sure you both have a discreet way of getting away from the party without people knowing that you’re going home together, e.g. offering to give her a lift home.

And have fun…
Jeremy Soul

I’m going to hand over to Carbeau – his recent experience is great a great lesson in method and perseverance.

Jeremy Soul

Day Game SNL with HB9 after approach cock-up… “If you don’t try….”

I am not normally one for publicizing my in-field experiences – however, when I discussed this particular case with Soul, he urged me to write about it as we agreed that some of the lessons would be useful for people who are still in the early stages and still being significantly held back by fear of approach or “approach anxiety”.

I say “significantly” held back by approach anxiety, since the experience is normal and should even be enjoyed as part of the “rush” of the game. However, if you find yourself more often than not paralysed by fear such that you make up excuses and take no action, you may want to read on because it is a story that ended very well but began pretty badly – the lesson being this: if you don’t approach, you are only guaranteed to get NOTHING – if you do approach, you are guaranteed to get SOMETHING – it could be as little as getting feedback on how to improve the next approach or as significant as sleeping with the woman of your dreams….

Neil Strauss (a.k.a. Style) recently quoted Wayne Gretzky, a Canadian hockey player, as saying “you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take” – kind of obvious, and yet isn’t that what we do every time we make up some excuse for not opening a set? “I’m late” or “she looks busy” or “she’s with someone” or “I’m on my bike” – whatever the excuse, just cut the crap and just approach – and be sure of one thing – that if you don’t approach, you will probably never get a second shot (except within your social circle, in which case caution is definitely wise – please refer to Braddock and Mr M’s excellent postings for more about Social Circle Mastery).

In this case, I made a Day Game approach – however, as you will see, my approach was done in a hurry and actually ended badly – and yet, I still ended up sleeping with this HB9 after a couple of months of relatively low effort email game. This is why I decided to write this as a field report – since it is a good example of how you have everything to gain by approaching every time you see an attractive woman. Bottom line, this is a numbers game – by which I don’t mean that you approach 100 women and hope to get a number (though that may be a good place to start if you are just getting going), but that you should be screening for quality women that meet your standards and you need, therefore, to get comfortable approaching lots of women to filter OUT those that do not fit your criteria.

And even when you find someone that fits your criteria, don’t get hung up on just one woman – there is a possibility that she will flake on you, or that you might find her less attractive as you get to know her better – and during all this time, you will lose out on countless other opportunities that pass you by. And one further very important reason to not focus on one woman too early is that not only can women sense it when a guy that has options (a form of social proof / pre-selection that makes you much more attractive), but it also makes you feel more calm and relaxed, almost nonchalant, and this helps you to naturally structure your game in a way that works in your favour – not because you are super-analysing every interaction, but because you genuinely aren’t worried about the outcome because you know there are so many other women you can go out with.

Use Hopper-theory to gain a mindset of abundance

I have a group of wingmen I go out with regularly in Philadelphia and we use the paintball “hopper” analogy when we go out. We don’t necessarily aim to bring a woman back the same night, but we do always aim to add women to our “hopper” or our “pipeline” – a list of quality women we can invite to go out in the evenings. I will aim to have 6-8 quality women in my hopper at any one time (any more for me is tough to manage time-wise…) – I will then line up different evenings with different women depending on what I have planned – I know some women like classical music, others are more into dancing or theatre, etc. This then allows me to plan around an event, not around the woman – which is a natural disqualification mechanism. I will invite a woman from my hopper and, if she cannot make it, I simply go down the list. And since I do a lot of Day Game, I am able to constantly refresh and “upgrade” my hopper with higher and higher quality women – those that I do not find interesting or fun simply drop out and I stop calling them or inviting them out.

So in this case, even though the email game described below stretches over almost 2 months, this was just one of many women I was pursuing and was by no means my focus during this time – this gave my game a natural air of abundance – demonstrating that I am comfortable interacting with beautiful women and am not bothered either way about pushing for a date… The fact that I did not over-reach and look needy sub-communicated strong confidence which is a key attraction switch – I did not even bother to ask for her cellphone number until the night we met up almost two months after my first approach.

I have written the story below in chronological order so you can see the timings in between each interaction and who did or did not respond to whom and I have analysed the actual text from our email interactions using the framework of the Emotional Progression Model and the Love Systems Triad to show what is happening:

September 29:

I was late for a class on campus around 8 weeks back when I suddenly noticed an absolutely beautiful woman – I would say a 9 – around 5′8″ tall with long golden hair, an angelic face, elegantly dressed and sexy long legs – she was handing out flyers for a theatre / playhouse she was promoting and was like an apparition on an otherwise dull and dreary campus pathway. Because I was late, I hesitated…but with every metre that passed between us, I realized I would seriously regret not approaching and decided I just HAD to approach…

I had my bicycle with me and, as I wheeled it closer, I realised that she was even more beautiful than I had previously thought and I felt that familiar rush of anxiety grip me in the stomach – a familiar feeling which, after so many approaches which have often led to wonderfully unique experiences, is now mixed with positive emotions of excitement and anticipation of what may be about to happen.

I pulled off my bicycle helmet and, holding my helmet and cellphone in one hand and my bike in the other, I delivered my standard direct opener (with a GENUINE Time Constraint thrown in…) “Hi there – this is going to make me REALLY late, but I saw you standing there just now and just had to come over and tell you that you are [pause] absolutely [pause] beautiful – and I would have kicked myself if I did not come over and introduce myself”. She beamed at me – her smile indicating that she was genuinely flattered – and we chatted for a while. She told me that her father is ethnically Czech and her mother Japanese, which is an extremely interesting combination for me due to my interest in and previous studies of both East Asia and Eastern Europe. However, I really was late so had to exit fast…

I was organising a party that weekend to raise money for charity in a club in downtown Philadelphia, so I told her that she had to come and should give me her email address so that I could send her an invitation – she said that would be great and wrote down her email address.

This is where it began to fall apart… Besides not having had time to build much attraction or to qualify her in any way, I then needed to turn my bicycle around to go to class – but with my hemet, my cellphone and now her flyer in one hand, my bicycle in the other and the “rush hour” of students on the path headed to and from class, I was having a really hard time turning the bicycle around against the flood of people coming against me. All this time, I could feel her looking at me, thinking “this guy is having some serious trouble doing something really simple”… I could feel my value leaking away with every passing second and then, just to top things off, I managed to drop my helmet, cellphone and her flyer just a couple of metres from her…meaning I had to do another awkward maneuver and bend down to pick everything up – demonstration of value now = 0.

GAME OVER…is what I was thinking…damn it, she was cute….

I was completely deflated as I walked into my class and annoyed at myself for messing up what looked to have real potential….Nonetheless, since I had nothing to lose, I decided to try to recover with my first email. My strategy was:

Attraction (humour): I addressed the embarassing situation head on with light humour

“Dear S, Despite my managing to drop all my stuff after getting your email and looking like a complete wally, I hope it won’t put you off coming by on Friday night…”

Attraction (disqualification): to disqualify myself – I used a ‘creepy guy’ routine:

“Hope to see you on Friday – if you don’t come I may have to come stalk you at the Kimmel Center – so you have been warned”

My strategy paid off and she came back almost immediately that afternoon:

“Hi! Don’t be embarrassed about dropping everything; if it had been me, I would have fallen off the bike on top of everything. This party looks like it will be fantastic, but the moment after you biked away I remembered (to my chagrin) that I’d be in Miami by then. I’m visiting my brother down there for several days starting Thursday. C’est la vie, non?

I am very disappointed, nonetheless. Perhaps you will have to come to one of my plays after all (though I will actually only be working at a few), or host another party, in any case. It was lovely meeting you; I think you were the only person who came up to speak to me instead of grabbing a brochure out of my hand without so much as a glance.

I hope to see you sooner than later. Good luck with the marathon. Ciao ~ Yours, S.”

GAME BACK ON!

September 30:

I wait a day then respond with:

Attraction (disqualification): through my stalker routine:
“Interesting – so you’re into stalkers huh? You may regret piquing my interest…!”

Attraction (challenge / humour): by teasing her about her language, I am showing that I value women that are intelligent – I also insert a reference to a famous Czech author (that also writes in French), Milan Kundera, that I can use for callback humour at a later stage

“Nice use of the word “chagrin” – that’s not a word I hear Americans use a lot – that, together with a sprinkling of French, must be the Milan Kundera in you…”

Attraction (disqualification / social proof / pre-selection): I joke that I might be gay to counter the fact that I want to attend one of her plays – I am also showing that I have a rich social circle and I am comfortable hanging out with women:

“Seriously though – I have a group of friends – mainly female (sometimes I think I just might be gay) – who I go to Philadelphia Orchestra concerts with – let me know when you guys are performing and I will bring them along to support you – we all live in Centre City anyhow, so it is an easy walk to the theatre…”

…NO RESPONSE….GAME OVER??

October 8 (after waiting a week):

I decide to follow up with another casual email:

Attraction (social proof/status/wealth): showing that I travel and have lots of friends

“Hey S, How was Miami? Hope you had fun…! I am off to Vegas in the morning – long weekend with friends – should be fun.”

Attraction (callback humour):

“After that – will be enrolling in a stalker bootcamp in Utah to learn the full range of stalking techniques so that I can be at my best the next time we meet…”

Logistics: I try to sound out the theatre options that I could go for with my friends I saw a couple of events at the theatre that sound good 1) blah blah; 2) blah blah – “which of these do you recommend?”

She then replies the same day (on Oct 8):

“A long weekend in Las Vegas sounds like it will be a lot of fun! I’ve never been, so you’ll have to tell me all about it. Oh, and stalker bootcamp? In Utah, no less—hmmmm. Who knew? Though you’ve probably already broken a stalker rule by telling me it exists, haha. I await to evaluate your skills with great anticipation. Miami was a palm-tree-dotted, clear-watered paradise. Spent my days in the sun, enjoying a pleasant view of art deco hotels lining the shore against a brilliant blue sky. It was great seeing my brother as well.

[She recommends one of the plays I asked about]

P.S. It’s funny that you mentioned Milan Kundera in your last note, as The Unbearable Lightness of Being helped influence my decision to study abroad in Prague and attempt to become more in tune with my Czechness, hah. (Only slightly successful).”

BULLSEYE! GAME BACK ON!

I flick one back:

Attraction (disqualification/humour):

“Thanks for the tips on the two plays – this is great – I will email my classical music girl-group and see what people prefer…

Escalation / Attraction (social proof/status): I then ask her if she is on Facebook so that I can share photos from the party she missed – I use FB as a source of Social Proof so women can see I have an active life with lots of friends and travel.

“P was good – we raised around $3000 and have just made our $6500 target – which is great news! Are you on Facebook? If so, add me and I can share some of the photos – there are some fun ones…

Attraction (challenge): I throw in a little challenge by comparing two authors, showing that I am well-read and have standards, but still like the same author (which I really do)

“Milan Kundera is one of my all-time favourite authors – he is almost as good as Bruce Chatwin – My favourite is the Book of Laughter and Forgetting…”

October 18

I then went to the play with my friends and met S and one of her friends there (it turns out her friend is in the same graduate programme as me, which is good for social proof / comfort – I keep a very discreet profile when it comes to women in my school, so this is good for me) – by luck, we managed to sit together in the front row which was great for generating sexual tension plus allowing us to whisper together about the actors and their performance. I then followed up with a quick thank you / no-agenda email:

“It was great hanging out with you guys today – I still keep thinking about Mr F’s trousers being too short and that little thread hanging off his left ankle waiting to be tugged free – that together with his odd humming-accompaniment made him one of the cutest / cuddliest actors I have seen for a while!”

We then both got busy and both were doing a lot of travelling – but I kept up the momentum by inviting her to a number of cultural activities that came my way that a) I knew she would enjoy given her liberal arts education and b) that showed me to be fun and different and c) that showed that I had lots of friends. However, I only sent her emails when I had something relevant on – demonstrating that I had a rich social life and she was by no means someone I was depending on for fun:

OCTOBER 22

I forwarded a casual email inviting her to join me and some friends to watch a French film where the director himself would be available for questions after the show:

Attraction (humour / challenge): callback humour with the Czech author again..and by forwarding an email from friends, I look popular…
Qualification: by challenging her level of French

“…sounds up your street, Ms Kundera! Is your French up to it??”

Unfortunately, she could not make it – she was travelling…I am beginning to wonder at this stage if she is actually interested in me or just being polite..

“How right you are — TOTALLY would go and see this if I wasn’t going to be in Ohio. I always seem to be no where near Philly when anything particularly worthwhile happens in this city, hah. I’m sure I will see you relatively soon, but in the meantime you’ll have to tell me about this French film, if you end up going. Ciao ~”

NOV 6 (over two weeks later)

Having not contacted her for a couple of weeks (I was genuinely busy), I then invited her and her friend (who is in my graduate programme) to attend a comedy show:

Attraction (status/social proof): referencing my own performance as a stand-up comedian

“…Hey guys, a bunch of us who do stand up at school are heading down to the H Comedy Club later tonight to see JF

Attraction (humour / social intruition): a joke about comedy being low-brow and a casual invitation makes it easy for them not to come – making it socially comfortable for all concerned:

“This is probably a little too low-brow for you two high class theatrical officionados, but let us know if you want to join… ”

Unfortunately, she could not make it again – she was travelling.. L

GAME OVER??

No – she wrote back almost immediately to say:

“Seriously, every time something is going on I’m out of town, hah. This time it’s off to DC at 4pm until Sunday. Otherwise I would love to go to H…one of my friend’s does stand up here and NYC and I loved going to his shows. What are you up to next weekend? Maybe we can get together and hang out then?”

GAME TRULY ON!

Now I know that she is keen to meet up. My hard work is about to pay off… I cannot make the following weekend, which is good – shows I am a busy social guy, who is not about to cancel stuff for the sake of a date, but I suggest that the following weekend might work:

Attraction (status/social proof): I tell her where I am travelling – part domestic, part international and show that I already have activities lined up for the following weekend

“I cannot do next weekend – I will be in New York and Toronto – the weekend after I have a couple of events on both Fri 20 and Sat 21 in NYC, but still not sure if I will go.

Attraction (challenging/confidence): I don’t lunge for the date, but suggest keeping it loose until nearer the time

“let’s touch base nearer the time”

Logistics: since I now know that this is game on, I try to feel out logistics since I don’t have school from Thursday to Sunday so I have Wed-Sat nights available for dates, but don’t like to take women out on a week night if they need to be up early the next day: I ask

“Do you work on Fridays?”

…no response….but I am not too worried at this stage – since we have already established clear indicators of interest on both our parts, so I just leave it…and wait until nearer the time…

NOV 17 (Tuesday)

I follow up with a casual email to sound out the upcoming weekend:

Attraction (social proof / social intuition): I keep my movements very casual, demonstrating that I am a social guy who is not depending on her for a ‘date’ and I deliberately avoid dinner and also make it easier for her to come out by suggesting she brings her friend to keep it relaxed and un-date-like

“Looks like I won’t be going to NYC on Friday – I will probably be out and about during the evening – if you are in town let me know and we can grab a drink… let’s get C out too…”

…she comes back immediately with:

“Hey stranger, I’m going to a concert (non-classical, thank you very much) this Friday around 8pm, but I would love to meet up afterwards. Let me know your plans, and I will definitely give C a call.”

…perfect!

At this point, I ask her for her cellphone for the first time in some 7 weeks since I have known her. Even though I have seen it on Facebook, I have deliberately avoided using it or confirming it since this could make me look creepy – instead I am a social guy who has lots going on and this woman, despite being very beautiful, is by no means someone that I am going to change my life for:

Attraction (pre-selection/confidence): by keeping it casual, I show that I am still not excited by her beauty or prepared to go out of my way to entertain her…

“Let me text you on Friday with where we will be – I got your cell from FB – +1 (xx5) xxx – is this right? I’ll let you contact C…See you Friday…”

At this stage, I still have not decided what to do that evening – logistics is key here – I need to choose carefully since I need to continue the theme of me being the social guy…but at the same time, I don’t want to overwhelm her with a crowd of drunken students that could spoil my game… However, I am kind of obligated to attend a school Karaoke event in a Japanese restaurant which could be very good or very bad…I am nervous.

NOV 19 (Thursday)

I decide to innoculate the KTV situation ahead of time and send S and her friend a heads up email (by including her friends, I am also disqualifying myself by making it more of a casual meet up than a date):

Qualification: I show that I like Karaoke and that they need to like it too otherwise it is over. I have enough attraction at this stage, so this is fairly safe.

“Hey guys – just wanted to warn you that I may be in a Karaoke party when you are done with your concerts, etc tomorrow night… I hope you like Karaoke… I may not be able to hang with you guys anymore if you don’t! It is one of my favourite things in the world – despite my inability to sing..!”

NOV 20 (Friday):

On the evening itself, S calls me when she gets out of her concert and tells me she will head over after stopping by her friend’s place – she also mentions she is with someone – which sets off a few alarm bells…(is it a guy?) but I ignore it and just say “cool” and tell her to call me if she cannot find the Karaoke place.

She turns up a little later than I expected but, by this time, I am launching myself into a rendition of Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May” that my mates all love to hear me sing (I’m not a good singer, but it has become a kind of signature song for me…). This is good for social proof – when I turn round at the end of the song, I see she is there with her girlfriend (the one who is my classmate and who I met at the play previously). She looks absolutely beautiful – I go over to say hi – making a point to kiss her friend first to further disqualify myself.

She then introduces me to her other friend – a decent-looking guy – I cannot know at this stage what their relationship is, but it doesn’t matter anyhow – he is a potential obstacle and I know I need to get him onside whatever the relationship – I welcome him in and invite him to sing with me. As it turned out, he was an awesome guy and I really enjoyed hanging with him – he is also a musician and knows a bunch of British songs, so he had a lot of fun too choosing his favourites then banging them out at the top of his voice.

At this early stage, I had to play things carefully – on the one hand, I needed to not pay S too much attention since that could sub-communicate low value and neediness, but equally I needed to get her engaged and having fun (I also had to deal with a couple of my classmates who did not know I had invited her and were starting to hit on her!). I introduced her to my friends which added to my social proof and was an excuse to move her around (compliance and physical escalation) and got her to do some singing which was good since it allowed me to touch her more and get her adrenalin going.

We then bounced to an underground dance club in Philadelphia that happens once a month. We took a cab there – I sat in the front while she and her two friends sat in the back and I made a point of chatting animatedly with the cab driver – an Israeli Arab from Jerusalem, a place I have travelled to some years ago, so I was able to discuss history and politics with him, demonstrating conversational dominance and also high value through discussion of the places I had travelled to and the historical knowledge I was able to share – by having the discussion with a third party that S could overhear, it was a lot more powerful than if I told her directly myself.

At the dance club, there were a lot of my classmates which worked well because a lot of people came up to me to say hi – adding further to my social proof.

At this stage I needed to escalate S physically to test her relationship with her guy friend – I could already detect that she was probably just friends with him, so grabbed her by the hand and said “let’s dance”. There was not only no resistance but she seemed pretty keen which the first major indicator of interest. I then started to escalate on the dance floor by touching her then moving her around – not exactly great dance moves, but great for compliance testing and physical escalation…

I then pulled her off the dance floor and did some shots with her and her guy friend – he was still very friendly, so it was now clear that he was no longer an obstacle – the only issue at this stage was the logistics of how to extract her to my apartment at the end of the evening that did not embarrass her in front of her friends – I needed to work on that…

We then went back to the dance floor and escalated further – I began gradually dancing with my legs in between hers – with my thigh rubbing against her vagina – 2 things:

1. I did not do it for too long at a time otherwise I would come off as the creepy guy who gets off on this alone…plus you don’t want to get her too excited before you get her back to your apartment (unless you are going for a shag in the bathroom), otherwise she may feel guilty (for being slutty in front of her friends) and get buyer’s remorse and you may never see her again…

2. I smiled a lot and looked her in the eye every so often to re-assure her that this was completely normal and that we were having fun.

It is vitally important that you look as comfortable as possible when escalating like this – remember that a woman is very sensitive about looking like or feeling like a slut when she is with a guy for the first time, so you must not only make it look like this is completely normal but also that you don’t judge her in any way for going with it.

After another round of shots, I knew that the club would be closing soon so I needed to kiss her quickly to confirm the direction of the evening for both of us. I took her to the back of the dance floor behind a column (so that her friends could not see us) and after a bit more dancing, started to smell her hair and tell her how good she smelled while pulling gently on the hair at the back of her head. This is not only a small compliance test before going in for the kiss, but also builds the sexual tension since she is not sure when you will actually start to kiss her. We kissed for a while with me always pulling away first (important for the push-pull factor) and saying things like “stop it – you’re driving me fucking crazy” to add a little extra tension for her – keeping her guessing as to whether or not I really would invite her back to my apartment.

By this stage, it was clear we both wanted to go home together but the logistics of making that happen were not entirely clear. I chatted to her girlfriend to understand where S was expected to go that night. The good news was that her parents expected her to stay at her friend’s but I still wasn’t sure how easily I could take her home in front of her friends.

In the end, it was not an issue, we bounced to one more club, then a 24-hour breakfast joint in central Philadelphia then her girlfriend headed home and left S and the guy friend with me. The guy friend was completely onside by this stage and came back to my apartment to use the bathroom then happily went home leaving S alone with me in my apartment – I still said that I would walk her back to her girlfriend’s apartment as a face-saving gesture (a sign of social intuition, a key attraction switch).

We then had a great night together – we ended up making love for some time, then lay on my bed and talked for hours about family, friends and our lives in general while listening to different music on Youtube.

In the morning, I walked her to her girlfriend’s apartment and kissed her goodbye then followed up with a humourous text a few hours later telling her I had had a good time and wished her a great weekend. This closure is key since it sub-communicates a couple of things:

1. I am a guy who is comfortable having sex with women for fun and not getting hung up or needy about it afterwards or, worse, ignoring them and making them feel like shit afterwards

2. I am not expecting to see her again but my door is always open because I genuinely had a great time.

I followed up with an email around 3 days later in the same vein – wishing her a happy thanksgiving – but with no agenda, so it sub-communicated the same relaxed comfort-building emotions that leave a woman feeling good about the experience, as they should – in the game of love, everyone should be having fun.

NOV 23 (Monday)

From me:

“Hey gorgeous,

Chatted with J [her guy friend] last night on FB – I love this guy – he is absolutely crazy – but LOTS of fun!!

I am heading to Nashville on Thursday so just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving…have a great weekend!”

S responded almost immediately with:

“I’m glad you are putting up with J and his craziness quite well, though it’s all in good fun; he’s quite a hilarious individual.

I just got back from seeing An Education, with a friend. Have you seen this film? LOVE IT. Slightly obsessed, actually. Have a lovely Thanksgiving–I cannot wait to stuff my face. Have a wonderful weekend and talk/see you soon I hope. S”

Summary / Conclusion:

Some of the reasons I think this worked despite the poor start are:

* The original approach was direct which, despite the cock-up straight after, still communicated huge confidence, courage, masculinity, etc. and was enough to keep her interested and engage me in an email dialogue

* “Hopper” theory: S was but one lady in my pipeline – as a result, I was not overly hung up on sleeping with her over other women – this helped keep my inner game strong and was almost certainly clear to S on some level – making me more appear more attractive (a kind of social proof, since a guy that has options must have something going for him..)

* Social Proof: such as always meeting her when I was surrounded by good friends who I love and who love me, many of whom are female or letting her know that I perform occasionally as a stand-up comedian

* Humour: I used a lot of humour and teasing to joke about myself and her, e.g. about me being gay or a stalker or about her language skills, etc.

* Disqualification: I constantly disqualified myself as potentially gay, being a stalker/creepy guy, etc. which kept her guessing and made me look like someone who is comfortable joking around with beautiful women

* Qualification: I constantly threw qualifying challenges at her, e.g. teasing her about her language skills or inferring that one of her favourite authors is not as good as one of mine or insisting that she had to like Karaoke to hang out with me…

* Social Intuition: by engaging with confidence with other males or telling her friend that I will walk her home rather than infer that she will stay over in my apartment or by taking her to the back of the dance floor so we can kiss without her friends seeing…

* Gaming obstacles: winning over the obstacles is key to winning over your target. Not only does this demonstrate your social intuition, a key attraction switch, but your obstacles can very easily interfere with your game if they don’t like you and significantly help your game if they do…

* Status / Wealth: my communications with both her and others in front of her (e.g. the cab driver) always lay small clues to my lifestyle in which I travel a lot and clearly have had a wide variety of experiences, e.g. trips to Vegas, Toronto, Jerusalem, etc.

* Physical Escalation: the chances of a woman coming home with you to have sex if you have not touched her all evening are next to zero, so you have to gradually escalate your touch so that it feels normal and so that it builds tension – making the woman want to experience more…

* Logistics: I made sure I understood where she was expected to go at the end of the night – if her parents had been expecting her to go home then I would have had my work cut out to get her to come home with me – you need to understand the lay of the land before you begin your journey – logistics are crucial…

* Follow-up text / email: this is really important if you want a woman to remember you fondly and to keep the door open to sleeping with you again – if she had fun and you made her feel good afterwards, then there is a good chance that she will want to see you again

Update on Dec 5: just arranged today to see her next weekend…

I hope this posting was useful – if anyone has any questions or comments, please feel free to post below.

Just remember, you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take!

Keep approaching and keep having fun – the more you approach, the more fun you have – guaranteed!

C.

Love Systems in The Economist - the journo came along to Project Rockstar in London. She talks about Love Systems methods and ‘modern’ dating, and how the PUA scene leads the way.

Jeremy Soul.

Dating in the downturn

‘Well met by clublight’

Nov 5th 2009
From The Economist print edition

What online-dating sites are learning from pick-up artists

 In a dark underground room in central London, a group of men scribble intently in notebooks. They are in a class on “how to be funny” and they want to get it right. It has been a long day; they have already attended classes on teeth-whitening, self-esteem and personal finance as part of an intensive course on how to attract women. This evening they will put their work into practice as tutors assess their attempts to score dates in some of the city’s leading clubs.

 The programme is run by Love Systems, an American firm that charges up to £3,000 ($5,000) for three-day boot camps. Other outfits offer similar “pick-up” courses, though they remain relatively small and almost clandestine. The real money in the “dating industry” is online.

Corporate cupids such as eHarmony, an American firm that claims to be responsible for 236 weddings a day in the United States, and Meetic, a French company which recently bought the biggest online-dating firm in Britain, Match.com, serve a British market worth almost £100m, according to Mintel, a research firm. Another, comScore, reckons 5m people visited British dating sites in September, more than a year earlier. It is, they say, something of a recession boom.

Mintel thinks the surge is being driven by the human tendency to re-evaluate priorities in dark times. The more sceptical say it is simple economics. It costs, on average, £30 a month to belong to an online-dating service, and free sites like plentyoffish.com and Smooch are springing up. Online dating is a cheaper way of meeting people than a night on the town.

Around 8% of Britons say they use dating websites, compared with 4%, on average, in the rest of Europe. But business analysts point out that America outstrips them all. Mark Brooks, an online-dating consultant, thinks this is because Britons are more sceptical than their transatlantic cousins. He regularly warns American firms eyeing the British market that overblown promises of true love are likely to repel rather than attract.

Mr Brooks also thinks online giants are missing a trick that the underground pick-up industry learned long ago. “You can meet the best people in the world and still screw it up because you don’t know how to date,” he says. “People need help, guidance, style counselling…feedback when a date goes wrong.”

Some are moving in this direction, though as yet they offer nothing like Love Systems’ face-to-face tuition. EHarmony, for one, has consultants on how to tweak a profile. More than 500,000 people have registered with its British branch since it opened in June 2008. Last month a National Dating Advice Line was launched, with instant guidance from dating “experts” at £1.50 a minute on matters such as what to text, what to wear and when to kiss. Another new firm, eLove, sets up personal matchmakers.

One way and another, the dating business is growing fast. Broadband access is increasing, webcam facilities spreading, phones getting smarter, techniques getting smoother. One danger, though, for the love merchants: if they make too many lifelong matches, they will find their client base significantly reduced.

Love Systems has just released the interview series on iTunes. Each interview is jam-packed with powerful strategies and tactics for meeting and seducing attractive women that any man can use, regardless of your looks or financial status.

You’ll discover insights you’ve never heard before and strategies you won’t find anywhere else. (Especially on the Internet.) You’ll also learn new techniques on approaching women with total confidence, how to start conversations easily, how to use your body language to your advantage, and how to make women feel attraction for you. What’s more, you’ll be able to listen to them over and over again whenever you want.

So, have a listen to the Love Systems interview series and let us know what you think.

Jeremy Soul

Let me pass over to Micha, our Norway Country Captain for details on the Oslo talk by 5.0 and Keychain this Saturday 27th June.

Soul

Keychain doing day game

The London Love Systems team is putting together a very special event, 27th June, in Oslo. Keychain and 5.0 will be touring Europe and have decided to open up this seminar to a limited number of students at a jaw-dropping price… Check it out here:

http://lovesystemspresents.eventbrite.com/

It will be hours of pure content – hours of cutting-edge dating and attraction advice from two of London’s hottest instructors – for only 299kr. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet and learn from the world’s best PUA coaches at this amazing price!

So, what will you get to see?

Keychain on fast escalation and same night lays - this guy is a sexual escalation rockstar.

‘Money! If you get a chance, watch this guy in field. Anyone with a problem in escalation or who wants to get fast closes, Keychain is hands down the guy to talk to.‘ - Mr.M

This is the guy whose legendary daytime escalation enabled him to meet a girl and, a couple of hours later, have her give him a handjob in a photobooth! Meet Keychain and get your sexual escalation supercharged to Rockstar levels!

A Norwegian reporter recently featured Keychain in this article: http://www.dinside.no/798304/de-forforer-deg-paa-minutter

5.0 on HIGH-END CLUB GAME – learn to work the hottest clubs with the hottest girls from the instructor who taught musician Mike Skinner (The Streets) to pick up girls on TV…

Here are some recent reviews of these top-notch instructors:

“I’ve made more progress in a few hours with Keychain, than probably hundreds of hours unaided…and to think there was a point in my life when I thought I would die a virgin!”

“I really had a lot of respect for Keychain. We talked a little on the second night about our journies with game and life in general. I could tell immediately that he was the type of guy who has put his feet to the fire, put in the hard work, and is now is successful with women and in other areas of his life.

I opened two girls sitting at a table and Keychain came in to wing. I’m talking with my girl but I’m really not doing a good job of kino. Then all of a sudden my attention sort of shifts to him and his girl. I was completely amazed at how quickly he turned the girl from being sort of interested to basically eating out of his palm in about 2 minutes. Lesson learned for me: I can escalate a lot quicker than I thought I could.”

“5.0… man, very intense in such a short span of time… It’s obvious he knew his shit and explained everything really well… The direct game tips were great; I field tested them today and they worked brilliantly!”

** We have EXTREMELY LIMITED AVAILABILITY so sign up here now! **

http://lovesystemspresents.eventbrite.com/

The location is The University of Oslo (Uio), boks 1072 Blindern, NO-0316 OSLO, Norway
Saturday 27th of June 19:00

Karma's a bitch

As a dating coach for the premier dating training company in the world, I have the privilege of meeting a lot of successful people. Many of my clients are respected businessmen or people who are otherwise successful in their fields, but just lack the success they want to have with their dating lives (which is where Love Systems comes in).

Getting better with anything in life often involves modelling people who are already successful at it – which is why clients watch us approaching women when we run live dating workshops. So to be successful yourself, it’s important to be able to IDENTIFY success.

At first, all success (in dating or anything else) looks the same. Wow, that guy has a big house, he has a fast car, and he has a beautiful woman by his side! It’s easy to think to yourself, “I’ve got to be like him!”

But dig a little deeper and examine how he got these things. Did he earn them through his hard work and integrity? Or were these things handed to him on a plate? Worse still, did he get them through lying and cheating people.

I like to consider myself a good man, but my ethical behaviour has a purely selfish motivation. If I am good to the world and the people around me, I know that the world and people around me will ultimately be good to me. You reap what you sow.

What happens when you cheat on a woman?

Some time ago, a friend of mine was cheating on his wife. It eventually broke down the marriage, they got divorced and my friend moved in with the other woman he had been seeing. A few months later, that woman left him for another man that she had been seeing on the side. He reaped what he had sowed.

Nick Savoy, widely regarded as one of the top experts on relationship management, makes the excellent point that we should never lie to women. If you start a relationship with a woman by lying to her – about what you do, who you are or who you know (typical things men often lie about!) – you create a foundation for that relationship full of cracks.

That relationship will ultimately crumble, and while you are in it, neither of you will be happy because you feel the strain of those cracks.

This is why most women become disappointed when they get into relationships with guys they initially found attractive. Men that don’t understand the principles outlined in Magic Bullets try all sorts of weird things to impress women, like buying them flowers, taking them out for expensive dinners or offering to buy them champagne in a club.

If a man even does get to the point where he sleeps with a woman after that (and believe me, it doesn’t happen as often as you might think), then she eventually sees him for the weak man he really is. They may date for another couple of months, but the relationship will crumble and she will start sleeping with other men.

Truth always comes out

I see the same thing happening in business as well. Sometimes we see a company being really “successful” even though we know they don’t have the healthiest methods of getting there.

A friend of mine and fellow Love Systems Daytime Dating instructor, Kisser, is a huge fan of Apple Macs. He’s been in the computing industry for a long time and knows for a fact that most of the real innovation (including the mouse, wireless internet and touch screen technology) has come from Apple.

But for a long time Microsoft reigned supreme though its distribution network, advertising, monopolising and legal safeguarding. Now, in the economic downturn we are experiencing, Microsoft’s profits are faltering and Apple just announced a significant increase on profit from last year. Microsoft has cut thousands of people from its workforce. Apple hasn’t even fired their janitor.

How did this happen? At the heart of it, Apple created superior products and now the world is starting to see that. How many friends do you know with an iPhone, an iPod or a MacBook? It’s been increasing every year.

It took some time for the harvest to come, but Apple and Microsoft are both reaping what they sowed.

Set healthy foundations when you date women

Don’t be blinded by the apparent “success” of someone or something. Look a little deeper at how it was achieved, and realise that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to achieve it. The unhealthy ways ultimately result in failure and unhappiness.

Here are some actions points to consider for your dating life:

• Pick your dating gurus carefully. Look at HOW they achieved their success as well as their results.
• Don’t lie to women. If you don’t want to talk about something, don’t talk about it, but don’t lie.
• Don’t cheat on women. If you don’t want an exclusive relationship with her, don’t pretend that you do.
• Don’t try to manipulate women into sleeping with you. Become a stronger man so that she WANTS to be with you.
• Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. She’ll eventually find out.

Jeremy Soul